On Medical Conditions. . .

No, I haven't changed my mind and become a nursing major.

I'm still an English major.

Yet this is a unique merging of the two realms.

I don't know if any nurses or doctors have actually seen this, but I have, and it's terrifying enough to me.

And yes, this is sort of a grammar rant.

Alzheimer's Disease

I cannot count how many times I've heard this butchered. I know I have very little to stand on, because I butcher words all the time, but I can say that I've never said this particular word this badly. 

Y'all, it is not "All-timers" Disease.

There is not a T in "Alzheimer's".

There just isn't.

Stop putting it there.

Please.

Diabetes

Okay, I saw this on Tumblr, so there's no telling whether the poster was serious or just being funny, but "diabetes" is one word.

Just one.

It's not "die of beaties".

I realize it kind of sounds like that, but it's all together.

Lactose Intolerance

This one really takes the cake.

I'm not even really sure where that phrase comes from, but it's true.

I have seen this on Google searches.

On Facebook.

On Tumblr.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Granted, on Tumblr they all flipped out, but still.

People, this particular disorder where your body does not properly manufacture lactase and milk makes you gassy and nauseous is not "lack toast and tolerant".

I kid you not.

A "lack toast and tolerant" disorder means that you lack charred bread slices and are a very understanding person and for some reason you are not happy about this state of affairs.

But yeah.

This has been a PSA.

Exit, Pursued by a Bear

I don't know where the stereotype of non-physically active nerds came from, but I really don't think it's true.

For example, I am a nerd.

To an extent.

And I exercise(d).

I mean, I still do, I just haven't in a while for various reasons, among them being shin splints, a cough that won't go away and messes up my pace, and college.

But, as an English major, I don't see why this is.

I mean, one of the greatest physical chase scenes in history was written by Shakespeare:

"Exit, pursued by a bear."

Now, I will be the first to admit that we don't always approach exercise the right way.

Or at least, I don't.

Ever heard of that 10% rule? How you're not supposed to increase your mileage by more than 10% per week?

Well, I basically lived by the 100% rule for about 2 and a half hours once.

5 miles to about 10.5.

Not the brightest thing I've ever done.

But regarding the nerdiness. . .

So I was running down this road that was way longer than I expected it be, and then I realized that it was the longest side of right triangle. The Pythagorean Theorem popped into my mind and I started sorting it out.

As I was running.

As if the cars weren't enough to worry about. . .

Confessions: I pronounce everything wrong.

This is really embarrassing to admit as an English major and a bookish person in general, but I really do butcher the art of the spoken word.

It's the reason I took Spanish instead of French.

French people should thank me for that, because they would have murdered me.

But I seriously am horrendously bad at pronunciation. 

Point en case:

Friend of mine lost her school ID a few months ago, and our decals expire every year.

She got her ID, but then couldn't get a decal for a while, because they moved the office or whatnot.

Well.

She ended up getting a parking ticket - hey, there are only so many "visitor" spots - and mentioned it to me.

I mentioned to her that someone had said that if you didn't pay it, they wouldn't send you a bill or anything.

Then I said, "I guess it makes sense; I mean, they're not city or munsiple police".

She just stopped and stared at me.

"Alyse. Do you mean municipal?"

"Yeah. . . yeah, that's it."

She looked at me and laughed.

"You know what you are? You're one of those people that read a lot but never say the words out loud."

Yes.

Yes, that is exactly what I am.

That, and a dummkopf.

And actually, I can pronounce that right.

Writing Well is Hard

I'm in a senior seminar this semester. We're all working on either fiction projects or poetry projects.

For those of you who have read my poetry, you've probably gathered that 1) I'm pretty good at free verse, and 2) anything not in free verse is not my cup of tea. 

Now fiction . . . fiction is my cup of tea.

You could say that I've had a bit of experience writing fiction.

I self-published a pretty short book about two years ago, and most of the people who left reviews liked it.

This semester I'm aiming for a full-length novel.

Oh my giddy aunt, y'all.

You have no idea how hard this is.

Keep in mind, this isn't necessarily for enjoyment, though I'm sure I will enjoy it for the most part.

This is for a grade.

And credits.

Mostly the credits.

But get this: there's a prospectus.

We've gotta outline it.

We've got to cover everything from beginning to end, no plot holes.

And we're likely going to get critiqued.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining -- I love critiques of my stories. Love them. It makes for a better, more coherent, more detailed story.

But gosh . . . it's hard.

But hard is good.

Youtube Crushes

Okay, these are not legitimate crushes, but oh lawd they is funny.

Ever heard of DJ Flula?

Well, you should watch some of his stuff, because it's hilarious.

He's this German DJ who - when he comes into contact with weird English idioms that he doesn't understand - he gives it his best shot. 

For instance, there's the Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Happy as a Clam.

Skeletons in the Closet.

Proof is in the Pudding.

Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet.

And my personal favorite: the Party Pooper.

(A friend made me watch that in the middle of the university library -- my other friend working at the checkout desk thought I was having a stroke. It's really hard not to laugh, y'all.)

His broken English is adorable and hysterical, and the 'outside opinion' is priceless.

And Olan Rogers.

If you have not heard of him, I pity you.

A friend of mine posts a picture of him every Monday, and when you watch this, you'll see why.

His facial expressions and snarkiness are to die for.

He also talks about the time he took his lady out -- that's pretty awesome, too.

But yeah.

Those are my Youtube crushes.

Confessions: I Could Have Been a Math Major

DISCLAIMER:

This is not a dig at people who enjoy math, who have degrees in math, or jobs related to math.

It's just me being snarky and slightly honest.

Sometimes people ask me why I'm an English major.

They're like "Oh, do you want to teach?"

I don't really, and I can't help but think that if I wanted to teach, I'd be an education major.

But English is just something I enjoy and that I'm good at, and I thought reading books and writing essays for four years would be alright.

Yep.

But I'm also good at math -- or at least I was about five years ago. 

Haven't taken it since then.

I'm taking it now.

And I love it.

But the thing is, I just couldn't do math for four years.

Well, maybe I could have, but I don't think I'd have liked it.

Mostly because of Geometry.

Just not my thing.

In high school, my math teacher begged me to be an engineer, but I hate Geometry, so that wasn't really something I wanted to do.

I finally got him to stop telling me that by saying that if I did become an engineer, all I'd make is roller coasters and he'd have to test ride all of them.

That worked.

But I used to be really good at it.

I could solve small-ish matrices in my head, I still can foil quite a bit mentally, and stuff like that.

I'm surprised my professor hasn't gotten on me yet for not showing a lot of my work.

I might take more math next year, just to fill up empty space in my schedule, but next year is pretty much anything I want to do, so maybe I'll take some math. . .

Maybe I won't.

Heck, maybe they'll offer an equestrian class.

That'd be fun.

But don't think I don't like math much because it's hard.

No, that's part of why I like math: you have to figure it out; it's not just memorization.

I mean, English is hard too.

You try remembering what the Great Vowel Shift was, or how Proto-Indo-European converts Greek and Latin to English and stuff.

I like a good challenge.

But I have to admit that math has a one-upper on English as far as I'm concerned.

In English, you can read things pretty much however you want, but in math, 2+2 always equals 4.

I like that.

Consistency and concreteness is cool.

(And that's ^ alliteration.)

There's just one thing I don't really understand about math.

I mean, English majors learn how to think critically, and that's a skill you can use anywhere.

Math majors learn how to think analytically, and that's a skill you can use anywhere.

But I just don't understand why we learn some of the stuff we do in math.

Isn't a lot of that more theoretical than applicational?

Theoretical's totally fine, really, but . . . isn't applicational more useful?

I mean, under what circumstances would somebody need to know this?

I'm not being snarky here, I swear.

This is an honest to God question.

Is this like a real thing?

I've got the concept down fine, I'm just curious.

Other than teaching my kids someday.

If I even remember it that long.

The Capitalization of I

A good friend of mine actually thought of this and vocalized it before I did, but it's a good point.

But really, why do we capitalize I?

It's just a pronoun.

We don't capitalize he.

Or she.

Or they.

So why I?

And it's just a letter.

We don't capitalize "a".

This has actually been bothering me for some time, so y'all have got any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Words We Should Spell Differently: English Place Names

As most of us here speak English, this could be a very long list, but it'll be short today.

And since I actually took a "Development of the English Language" course last year, I'm sort of an authority on this.

Sort of.

And it goes without saying that this is by no means scholarly.

So don't be citing this in your English papers at 3 AM, mmk?

English is really weird.

I'm an English major; I know this for a fact.

I'm not going to go into why things are spelled so strangely, but part of it has to do with the Great Vowel Shift.

Please. Don't. Ask.

Anyhoo, I got to thinking today about Worcester, Massachusetts  Sir Leicester Dedlock, and Richard of Gloucester.

Now you know how you pronounce those?

Wooster, Layster, and Gloster, respectively.

Ummm . . .

People (usually) hate it when others are redundant.

Isn't extra letters kind of redundant if they make the same sound?

Only you can stop redundancy.

Let the letters raise their voices, and speak for themselves.

Words We Should Change the Definition of: Adorable

Okay, this is what happens when you have too much to do and you do none of it - you think of words to change the definitions of. But whatever. 

So, "adorable". 

What does that mean?

When people say adorable, they usually mean "cute", "sweet", stuff like that.

But to "adore" means to: "regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor" (Dictionary.com). 

Hmm. Interesting.

To "be adorable" isn't as cutesy as we've made it. 

To "be adorable" is really something everyone should be, not just babies, puppies, and kittens.

Which is unfortunate, because I use adorable a lot. 

But sometimes I do use it in the right context. 

I wonder if people know that . . .

My Thoughts on . . . Fidelio

Fidelio is one of the best operas ever.

Like, legit.

It's awesome.

The plot's a bit convoluted, and I don't want to spoil anything by trying to explain it, so I'm just not going to. 

It sounds kinda rough, but that's just because it's in German. After a while, you get used to it, but there is this really funny part right at the beginning where this guard's trying to woo the jail keeper's daughter, and she's so sick of it that she pounds the table over and over shouting "Nein nein nein nein!"

Funniest. Opera scene. Ever. 

And it only works in German, so yeah.

But it's an awesome love (and sort of a spy) story, but not mushy. Totally not mushy. 

I'd give it a 5/5.

It's really that great. 

Any thoughts on my review? Did I miss anything or not give it enough praise? Comment below!

My Thoughts on . . . Carmen

So, Carmen's pretty much one of the most famous operas ever. 

Meh.

What would I rate it?

Gosh, probably a 2 or a 3 out of 5. 

I'm really not a big fan of it.

Why?

Well, not because it's "too mainstream" -- that really doesn't bother me. 

It just feels like there's something lacking in the ending, and if you don't know the ending, I'm certainly not going to spoil it for you. Go watch it yourself.

(Though I did stick a hint in the tags . . . )

The music is wonderful, and although the overture and music from the first and last acts are the most famous, there's some pretty good stuff in between, too. 

I have to admit, though, that the first time I watched it, I was struck by the irony . . .

It's an opera set in Spain, where they speak French, performed in Germany, while I was watching it in America, with English subtitles. 

(Oh yes, I do suggest watching operas with subtitles - very helpful. Unless you're actually going to one, in which case I'd suggest sticking a libretto in your mother tongue in your bag.)

But yeah, something just seems missing to me. And it's a bit overused (not the same as mainstream).

Overall rating: 2.5/5

Any thoughts on my review? Did I miss anything or not give it a fair shot? Comment below!

Next . . . Fidelio . . .

You know that feeling?

That feeling when you've accomplished this great and awesome feat?

That feeling when you know the worst is behind you?

That feeling that you look forward to during the hard times?

That feeling that's euphoric?

That feeling when you finish a four page paper on the Odyssey?

Yeah, me too. 

And yes, I am perfectly aware that this is a TON of gifs, but it's nearly 1 AM, and if you'd spent an entire day on this paper, you'd be using all these gifs too. 

Field Trip!

Yesterday, one of my professors took us up to Columbia to go see Antony and Cleopatra performed by some players from Cambridge University.
It. Was. Fantastic!!
It was also a blast because our professor gave us a tour of Columbia - like where he lived and stuff like that.
We ended up going to a Mexican place afterwards (that play was 3 hours long!) and laughed about just about everything - not about the performance; the performance was impeccable.
If y'all ever have a chance to see the touring Cambridge University Players, you should.
And next time we go up there, we need to go to the zoo.
I haven't been to the zoo in ages. . .

Already scared of next semester . . .

I just want to sit down and cry -- I don't know what to do about school. 

I thought I could handle 6 classes in one day and maybe I can . . . But 5 classes in a row? 3 English classes, 2 of which are 400-level? A sociology class, a history class, and a business? 

What the heck was I thinking, signing up for that? Oh . . . I probably wasn't thinking at all.

Come to think of it, I bet I know why this is.

I bet God's teaching me to not procrastinate.

He's teaching me to be diligent.

He's teaching me to take assignments seriously, although I already do. More seriously, I guess.

I just pray I can learn the lessons in time.

Grammar Rant

Okay, I know I have peeves.
I'm sorry.
Eh . . .
Nope. No, no I'm not.
As an English major, I suppose I'm entitled to be snobby about this, but I really, honestly try very hard not to be a grammar snob.
And most times, I'm not.
I'm a grammar nazi.
It's horrible, I know, as even I use deplorable grammar at times.
I'm actually really picky about exactly what gets me peeved.
For instance, if I'm texting or IMimg, I couldn't care less if you didn't capitalize, use correct grammar or what have you.
But in an email . . . you had better use it all correctly.
In spoken conversations, I don't care.
But Facebook . . .
Oh gosh, don't get me started . . .
Okay, so "your" and "you're" ARE different!! I promise! They are!
"Too", "to", and "two" are different. Really.
And when you're talking about more than one of something . . . there's no apostrophe.
Like, if you're talking about . . . say . . . Scottish Folds . . . It's "Scottish Folds" - not "Scottish Fold's".
*sigh*
Orrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . .
Or, I could just leave Facebook as its own thing and not worry about it.
Nope.
Too easy . . .

Sounds cool, BUT . . .

So, I'm in English class, and our professor is telling us how when he taught English as a second language in Spain, he didn't speak Spanish. He said that all you do is talk English to them the whole time.
Oh. My. Gosh.
I would feel so bad if I taught English abroad and totally confused some kids or some adult trying to learn English! Everyone hates it when you walk into Spanish class and the teacher starts talking at you in Spanish.
We hate that.
I would not want to do that . . .
But at the same time, it would be an excuse to watch American movies in class. You know, so they could learn English and all.
Hahahahaha, yeah, right!
I'd just bring a list of movies to class and have them vote on one every single week.

My Project for Tomorrow

Ever wanted to write a letter like this?

Pride and Prejudice, 2005.

Well, tomorrow, I'm going to experiment with different techniques of folding them, because Lizzie's letter from Jane was folded like this:

Pride and Prejudice, 2005.

If anyone wants, I can post picture tutorials on how to do it.
I'm also going to be working on making one of these:

http://bit.ly/zfcWJY.

Wish me luck!

Seven Overdue Random Thoughts

(I've already said it was "overdue"; you're not getting any more than that.)

1: Whilst learning about the history of the English language - which is far more convoluted than it ought to be, by the way - we talked about the Norman Conquest in 1066. It's the reason for a lot of things, but what really jumped out at me was this: I think it's the most cheeky, audacious, and boldest things the French have done to date. (No offense.)

2: It's quite warm today. About 80F. In February. That is messed up. Summer's gonna be killer.

3: I really want to make a wax-seal-stamper thing-y. Saw how to do it on Pinterest.

4: I can't wait for Series 3 of BBC's Sherlock. Best. Show. Ever.

5: I want to be teleported to Friday. Mostly because I don't want to give a presentation and take two midterms. Yeah.

6: I should probably get back to studying . . . oh, look, a birdy! Nevermind . . .

7: Follow me on Tumblr. Because I tumble a lot.

RIP Bucky . . . the Furry Mūs

So today in fiction class, Zack had us write three into sentences to this plot:

"A girl about 11-12 years old finds an injured squirrel and cares for it for a year, until her parents decide it's too dangerous to be kept in the house. They make her get rid of it. She takes it to the park where she often took it to play. She watched it scamper off, but left before it came back."

Oh. My. Gosh.
I says, "That's sad; I don't wanna write about that." But - as this epic author often states - "I said it in my head, so nobody heard it but me". I wrote the three he asked for and then - y'all are gonna hate me  for this - but I um, well . . . I sort of killed it. I implied it was probably dead. Squashed. In the road. Uh, yeah.

However!
In "Development of the English Language", we read words in Old English.
Now THAT was fun!
And no, Old English is not Shakespeare. He may be difficult for you to understand, but he actually wrote in Modern English. Modern as in "what we speak now". Yep.

THIS is Old English.

And that is "Beowulf". Epic. Story. You must read it before you die. You must.
(For those who are unaware.)
[Also, mūs up there is Old English for um, well, mouse. It's pretty neat, actually.]

FINISH LIKE A BOSS

So, my final final was at 8 AM.
I am not a morning person, so this did not thrill me.
My professor said we should all get "amped up", so I drove there listening to this:

We have two and a half hours allotted for our finals at USCB.
This was a Late Shakespeare final.
(Yes, I signed up and paid for that. I actually loved it.)
The final was half multiple choice, and half essay.
I finished the multiple choice in (less than or equal to) 30 minutes.
The other hour and a half was devoted to the essay.
2 pages.
Front and back.
Yep.
I was the third to leave out of maybe 20 of us.
On the way home, I listened to this:

Got my course grade back today.
An "A".
Thank you Jesus and boo-yah!