Confessions: I have a terrible sense of fashion.

I know, I know.

A blogger with no fashion sense.

Sad, but true.

I mean, I can do makeup and stuff, but . . . well, no, because I can't really do hair . . .

I can do makeup.

But I'm more than a little lost when it comes to mixing and matching clothes.

Now my sister's really good at that.

And she has this beautiful, long hair that does whatever she wants it to.

Except that she tries to curl it and it's fine so it doesn't hold a curl, and I used to straighten mine, but it's thick, so it doesn't really hold a straight.

Basically, she's a brunette Rapunzel:

and I'm a blonde Merida.

Anhyoo, my sister's really good at clothes.

She looks cute in just about anything, and can pull off things I never could.

And she can pull off black eye liner.

That makes me just a wee bit jealous.

But I'll gladly admit that I've stolen more than a few ideas from my sister's outfits.

. . . Not at the same time she's wearing them, because that would be a little embarrassing for her, I think, but I have.

She brought the scarf fever to our house.

And the boot fever.

And a few other fevers that haven't quite caught on yet, but give it time.

They will.

But yeah, I'm just not very good at the whole fashion thing.

I could sell you on just about any cosmetic product ever made, but let's just say I'm sorta glad my sister's better at that than me.

Because it's better to get killer deals on cute clothes than mediocre deals on mine.

Confessions: I pronounce everything wrong.

This is really embarrassing to admit as an English major and a bookish person in general, but I really do butcher the art of the spoken word.

It's the reason I took Spanish instead of French.

French people should thank me for that, because they would have murdered me.

But I seriously am horrendously bad at pronunciation. 

Point en case:

Friend of mine lost her school ID a few months ago, and our decals expire every year.

She got her ID, but then couldn't get a decal for a while, because they moved the office or whatnot.

Well.

She ended up getting a parking ticket - hey, there are only so many "visitor" spots - and mentioned it to me.

I mentioned to her that someone had said that if you didn't pay it, they wouldn't send you a bill or anything.

Then I said, "I guess it makes sense; I mean, they're not city or munsiple police".

She just stopped and stared at me.

"Alyse. Do you mean municipal?"

"Yeah. . . yeah, that's it."

She looked at me and laughed.

"You know what you are? You're one of those people that read a lot but never say the words out loud."

Yes.

Yes, that is exactly what I am.

That, and a dummkopf.

And actually, I can pronounce that right.

Confessions: I can't sing

I've previously written a post about American Idol, where I poke fun at the fact that the gal I wanted to win didn't. 

And I think I mentioned something about how I'd love to be a judge there, if only to take Simon's spot. 

I overheard something on the radio this morning about the ridiculous amount of money Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey are being paid to be judges.

My response?

"I'll do it for $25 an hour!"

But really, I'd love to be a judge for a singing contest.

There's only one kinda huge drawback:

. . . I can't sing.

Now let me qualify that.

I have the ability to sing, but I can't sing well, can't carry a tune.

I sing in the car when I'm alone because I don't want to inflict my tone-deafness on other people.

I love them too much to do that to them.

However, Candice Glover -- WHO IS FROM BEAUFORT -- can sing!

So yes, vote for Candice Wednesday night!

Confessions: I Could Have Been a Math Major

DISCLAIMER:

This is not a dig at people who enjoy math, who have degrees in math, or jobs related to math.

It's just me being snarky and slightly honest.

Sometimes people ask me why I'm an English major.

They're like "Oh, do you want to teach?"

I don't really, and I can't help but think that if I wanted to teach, I'd be an education major.

But English is just something I enjoy and that I'm good at, and I thought reading books and writing essays for four years would be alright.

Yep.

But I'm also good at math -- or at least I was about five years ago. 

Haven't taken it since then.

I'm taking it now.

And I love it.

But the thing is, I just couldn't do math for four years.

Well, maybe I could have, but I don't think I'd have liked it.

Mostly because of Geometry.

Just not my thing.

In high school, my math teacher begged me to be an engineer, but I hate Geometry, so that wasn't really something I wanted to do.

I finally got him to stop telling me that by saying that if I did become an engineer, all I'd make is roller coasters and he'd have to test ride all of them.

That worked.

But I used to be really good at it.

I could solve small-ish matrices in my head, I still can foil quite a bit mentally, and stuff like that.

I'm surprised my professor hasn't gotten on me yet for not showing a lot of my work.

I might take more math next year, just to fill up empty space in my schedule, but next year is pretty much anything I want to do, so maybe I'll take some math. . .

Maybe I won't.

Heck, maybe they'll offer an equestrian class.

That'd be fun.

But don't think I don't like math much because it's hard.

No, that's part of why I like math: you have to figure it out; it's not just memorization.

I mean, English is hard too.

You try remembering what the Great Vowel Shift was, or how Proto-Indo-European converts Greek and Latin to English and stuff.

I like a good challenge.

But I have to admit that math has a one-upper on English as far as I'm concerned.

In English, you can read things pretty much however you want, but in math, 2+2 always equals 4.

I like that.

Consistency and concreteness is cool.

(And that's ^ alliteration.)

There's just one thing I don't really understand about math.

I mean, English majors learn how to think critically, and that's a skill you can use anywhere.

Math majors learn how to think analytically, and that's a skill you can use anywhere.

But I just don't understand why we learn some of the stuff we do in math.

Isn't a lot of that more theoretical than applicational?

Theoretical's totally fine, really, but . . . isn't applicational more useful?

I mean, under what circumstances would somebody need to know this?

I'm not being snarky here, I swear.

This is an honest to God question.

Is this like a real thing?

I've got the concept down fine, I'm just curious.

Other than teaching my kids someday.

If I even remember it that long.

Confessions: I've Actually Never Had Coffee.

I'm starting a new series, Confessions.

I figured I might as well start with the most shocking.

So yeah, I've never actually had coffee before.

And these are some of the looks I get when I say that:

Actually, that's probably all the reactions I've gotten.

Yeah. . .

I just . . . never really wanted to have coffee.

I love the smell of coffee beans, but not when it's actually brewed.

And I don't need it in the mornings, because once I'm up, I'm up.

So you wake me up at 3 AM and you had better have something really cool for me to do or I will hate intensely dislike you for a very long time, probably proportional to how many hours of sleep you robbed me of.

Anyhoo, yeah, I've never had coffee.

And I don't plan to, either.

And the reason why is because when I was a kid, I had to read this book, Across Five Aprils. 

It's about the Civil War, but there's only one part I really remember: the kid's mom loved coffee, but for one reason or another, they couldn't buy it, and she went through this awful withdraw and could not function, and I remember thinking I never wanted to be that dependent on something that I wouldn't be able to function if I couldn't have it.

Which rules out a lot of things for me.

Oh well.

And I remember a lot of my friends saying they never drank coffee till they got to college, but I'm almost a senior, and I still haven't had a drop.

I mean, I suppose it's kind of like tea: I just haven't found a flavor I might like.

Whatevs.

What coffee confessions do you have?