You Are a Failure

We all have those days when we feel like our brains have stopped working, we can't do anything right, and all our past sins and mistakes just seem like they're hovering over us, waiting for us to fall again.
We all have those days when we feel like utter failures.
The thing we have to realize, though, is that when the world tells us we're great and smart and gonna succeed, they may be right in a sense, but it's a lie.
We have to realize that we are failures.
But here's the key -- we're failures apart from God.
What can a fallen, sinful person do on their own?
Fail. Time and time and time again.
But what about a person filled with God, trusting in Him for everything?
They may fall occasionally, but they will be victorious for His glory.
That's not to say they never feel like they can't do it. That's not to say that they never feel guilty about things they've done or opportunities they've passed up.
The difference is that they admit that and thank God for loving them anyway.
And God loves failures.
And once He changes them and lives in them, they're not failures anymore.
They're victors.

(Un)Happy Happenstance?

Sometimes everything goes just how you want it to.

And sometimes . . . okay, usually it probably doesn't.

That can't be the end of everything.

You can't let it beat you.

Beat it.

Try harder.

Change your plans to work with how things are now.

And win.

Who knows?

Things might turn out better this way. . .

Staying in Love ~ Part 2

For Part 1, click here.

We've already discussed just Whom we're to be falling in love with.

And as everyone knows, the "honeymoon" phase is wonderful.

But it doesn't last forever.

That's because the "honeymoon" phase is fueled primarily by feelings.

But love isn't just a feeling.

(I'm not going to tell you love isn't a feeling, because I'm 99% sure there are chemical reactions for 'love', making it basically a feeling. I'm fairly certain hormones play a pretty big part, too.)

True love is a commitment.

God's committed to us.

How committed to Him are we?

Would you go a day without talking to someone you love? Or even someone you like, for that matter?

If they wrote you letters, wouldn't you read them? Several times? Become so familiar with them that you knew the words by heart?

Well . . . we have that.

It's hard for us - being humans - to grasp having a relationship with someone we can't physically see or hear.

I'll admit that wholeheartedly.

But it can be done.

I'm sure you know people who have a great relationship with God and, like me, you're kinda jealous of them.

We can have that, too.

We just need to talk to Him.

We just need to read His love letters, as well as His letters of instruction.

We need to realize that a relationship takes two.

God's ready and willing.

How willing are you to stay in love?

Falling in Love ~ Part 1

People say falling in love is easy.

Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it is not.

People say they love God and God loves them - which is true - but I don't think people really understand what that means.

When you realize how much He loves you, it is so much easier to fall deeper in love with the Lover of your Soul.

He is a Father: He carries us when we're weak, He defends the orphans (Hosea, Proverbs).

He is a Friend: He shoulders our burdens, He listens to our cares (Matthew, 1 Peter).

He is a Lover: He woos us to Himself, He keeps us secure (Hosea, John).

He is a Judge: He is holy, He rules justly (Psalms).

He is a Redeemer: He justly forgives those He saves, He desires to save all (1 John, 2 Peter).

Do you see?

There is no one like this.

Even though we may know some people who have some of these general qualities in degrees, only God is all of them.

And He loves you.

And who could pass that up?

One Who loves you and sees past your mistakes, past your failures, and past your flaws.

One Who loves you and wants to heal your scars, provide for you, and shape you into a purer you.

I can't.

I've fallen in love.

Have you?

Life vs. Death

Image credit to Jesschadlys (x).

There's a trend I've noticed building over the past few years.

I don't know what it started with, but I thought that - like all other trends - it would fade away quietly.

I don't think it will.

Here's the trend: death.

I mean, I understand that people die.

Acceptance of the fact is good.

Glorification of it is not.

What is with all this glorification of death, anyway? I can't walk into a clothing store without seeing skulls on shirts, undershirts, pants, leggings, accessories, basically everything. And it's not those 'cutesty' skulls: these are freaky, grinning skeletal fragments.

That really, really unnerves me.

And that's not all.

There's a growing literary fascination with vampires, werewolves, zombies, demons, and other undead creatures.

Don't get me wrong here: I'm reading Dracula. I've seen the black and white Dracula. For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with Dracula.

The Twilight series is another story, and not just because I'm slightly a literature snob and I think - and have heard from reliable sources, namely college professors, peers, and Tumblr - that it's shoddily written and crafted.

That's my opinion. Sorry, not sorry.

I think you're completely entitled to yours.

And please understand, I'm not pointing the finger at anyone. If I am, I'm pointing it right back at me, examining what I'm filling my own mind with.

The difference for me, though, between Dracula and Twilight, for example, is the portrayal of evil and death.

In Dracula, it's clear who is evil and who is good.

Evil comes to kill and destroy.

Good stands in the path, seeking to save and redeem.

In Twilight?

Not so much.

Everything is blurred: oh, well, he drinks blood, and he really wants to drink mine, but he'll go and drink animal blood since he doesn't want to kill me. Awh, I think I'll marry this guy, since he's totally stable and trustworthy.

Or should I marry this other guy who's a wolf and has an amazing six-pack (c'mon, we all know that's most the reason most people saw the movie)?

. . . Yeah . . . Stellar choices.

As far as I know - and please do correct me if I'm mistaken - there is no clear cut model of good in the Twilight series.

There are plenty of evil models, but the evil tendencies are airbrushed over by a six-pack.

Believe me, I've heard the arguments made for Twilight:

"Oh, it teaches abstinence!"

Not really.

Bella and Edward aren't abstinent because they choose to be per se, but because he doesn't want to kill her.

Not really admirable.

I'll be honest when I say that I almost got into Twilight. But something nudged me and said "Hey, why don't you get a second opinion on that?"

I'm so, so glad I did.

And I think it's really the whole Twilight phenomenon that awakened me to the battle that's going on not only for young girls' souls, but also for their hearts and minds.

Yeah, there was Harry Potter mania when I was like, I dunno, seven, but I didn't care to read a 3-inch thick book at that time.

This is different.

And much more dangerous.

Not only are we getting this generation desensitized to death, but also disdainful of life.

Dead and undying creatures are glorified, made popular.

TV shows and movies about those who deal directly with demons are hits.

More and more teens and young adults don't take their lives - or the lives of others - seriously.

And the thing is . . . I don't think it's going to get better.

Not unless we can show them that there is more to life than death.

So much more.

Blessing the Lord

There's this song, you may have heard it, it's called "10,000 Reasons".

I can't remember the first time I heard it, but I remember thinking, "Oh, I should go download this when I get home" because it was a good song and I liked it. 

Well, I forgot to download it.

Naturally.

Well, the next time (of note) that I heard it was at a funeral for a baby.

I was so emotional that I couldn't even sing it.

But I was thinking.

We can't just bless the Lord when we have everything. When everything's nice and sunny. When we have everything we need.

We need to bless Him when He takes gifts away. When He teaches us lessons. When He allows pain in our lives.

Because whoever said "God will never give you more than you can handle" was wrong.

God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what He gives you an escape.

And God gives us more than we can handle to teach us to depend on Him for everything.

And that tender, nurturing love is truly blessable.

Learning to Let Go

Normally, this is the time of year people are flooded with "OMg its like finalzzz peeps so scared lol" posts.

And this is sort of one of them, but not really.

I'm not really worried about finals this semester. I've already done three, and I only have three left, and only two of those are actual tests. 

No, I'm gearing up to learn a really hard lesson that they can't teach you in a classroom.

I'm learning to let go.

I'm not talking about a relationship, though this lesson has infinite applications.

No, for me, it's my GPA.

I'm not bragging here; I'm stating a fact: these past two and a half years, I've earned a 4.0.

And I'm really scared I'm going to lose it.

I know a B and / or a 3.9 is nothing at all to sneeze at.

And I wouldn't be letting anyone down by getting a B.

Except me.

And that's what I'm struggling to let go of.

I don't want that to be my idol.

I don't want that to bug me.

I want to have peace about it.

And I can.

It's just a struggle.

But it's a good struggle to have.

I mean, at the end of my life, God won't be judging me on my grades.

He'll be judging me on how I lived for Him.

And that's worth so much more thought than a GPA that only matters for four years.

It is Friday!

So, I wanted to write a snarky, witty post about it being Friday, but I've come up with nothing. 

I also wanted to write a beautiful, moving post about it being Good Friday, but I've got nothing there, too.

I guess the best way to tell it would just to tell it as it is.

God created Man knowing full well we'd fall and spit in His face.

Yet He still loved us.

He spent millenia pointing forwards to One who would offer to free us from death and love us as no one else could.

And we didn't listen.

Yet He still loved us.

He sent His Son, who willingly lived on earth with few of our comforts.

We didn't accept Him.

Yet He still loved us.

We stripped Him naked, nailed Him to a cross, and caused His heart to break.

(It really did burst.)

We had no compassion for the Man who spoke of love, who fed the hungry, who healed the sick.

We laughed at Him and mocked Him and cursed Him.

Yet He still loved us.

Yet He asked that His Father would forgive us.

He died for us.

But that really does us no good if death can defeat Him.

But it didn't. 

He rose from the dead on the third day, defeating death for everyone.

And He loves you.

Some people say they're not worthy of His love.

No, you're not.

But His love is no credit to you; it's a testimony to Him.

Others think they don't need His love and grace.

You do.

It doesn't matter who you are, where you've come from, what you've done.

Even if the worst thing you've ever done is tell a little white lie, you still need His forgiveness.

If you're a murderer, you still need His forgiveness.

And this week there's been all the discussion about homosexuality.

Yes, it's wrong.

God calls it an abomination because it twists and distorts the physical love he created for a man and his wife - a picture of His love and sacrifice and relationship with the church.

But God doesn't hate you.

He doesn't at all.

He loves you.

He wants you to know Him.

He wants to forgive you.

He wants to love you.

Let Him.

Contentment and Letting Go

I actually wrote this in a random notebook almost a year ago and just now found it - thought it might be good to share. 

It's not just "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want".

It's "the Lord is my ___, I shall not want".

The Lord is my friend, I shall not want.

The Lord is my protector, I shall not want.

The Lord is my comforter, I shall not want.

The Lord is my provider, I shall not want.

The Lord is the lover of my soul, I shall not want.

The Lord is my guider, I shall not want.

The Lord is my study buddy, I shall not want.

So why do I still want?

Because I'm not satisfied in Him.

I'm not filled with Him.

I want to be.

I thirst for Him.

I am weary of my burdens - He alone can give me rest.

Why don't I give them to Him?

Why don't I just surrender everything?

Because I like to be in control.

I never was.

And honestly, I don't want to be in control anymore - I don't know what I'm doing.

Ever.

I want Him to be in control.

It might not make things easier. . .

But it will be better.

Convictions

I've been convicted about something lately.

Okay, well, many somethings, but I'm only going to talk about the one.

We've been going through Romans lately at church, and yesterday in Sunday School, someone taught on accountability. This wasn't the aim of his lesson, but I think it's a good application.

He asked somebody to read part of Romans 12, and as they were, I saw this section:

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; 11 not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, 13 contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.

Nope. Not convicting at all. . . 

But here's the big part: "Give preference to one another in honor" (emphasis mine).

Not just "give preference".

"Give preference in honor".

You know what that really means?

It means don't roll your eyes when you let them pick the TV show that night.

Don't mutter under your breath when you clean up behind them.

It generally means don't be spiteful when you let somebody have their way.

Now, I do have to point out that "turning the other cheek" does not mean you have to be a door mat.

Because it doesn't.

But the point still stands.

. . . And the point still pricks. . .

Blah Blah, Valentine's Day, Mush Mush

If you were expecting a beautiful, mushy Valentine's Day post, you're not going to get it.

Sorry.

This is for those of you - like me - who are 'alone' for Valentine's Day.

I say 'alone' because you're not really alone, and here's why. 

Do you know the story behind Valentine's day?

The real story?

Well, I do.

And while I don't remember the specifics, I can tell you the gist of it.

There was a man named Valentine (Italian, probably) who was going to be hanged at dawn, at the first ringing of the bell.

Don't ask me what for, but I think it was murder.

Dawn came, and he was led to the scaffold.

Per the order, the executioners waited for the ringing of the bell.

They never heard it. 

One of the officials went to the bell tower and demanded to know why the bell hadn't been rung yet.

The bell ringer explained that he had been ringing the bell, but it hadn't been working. 

They went to examine it, and when they looked up at it, they saw Valentine's young wife clinging to the clapper: her body had silenced the ringing.

By the time they got her out, she was half dead. They asked her why she had done that, and she replied simply that she loved her husband. She died not too long afterwards.

Deciding the debt owed the state had been paid by one life, the official released Valentine, who - I assume - went on to become a saint somehow. 

Does that story ring a bell?

It's a terrible pun, but the question stands.

Valentine's Day isn't about roses and cutesy poetry and chocolate and sheepish grins and Cupid and pink hearts and dates.

It's about sacrificial love.

It's about laying one's life down for another.

And hopefully, that sounds familiar to all of us.

And that's why you're never alone.

I understand that it can hurt to be without a significant other during Valentine's Day: I didn't think I would be 'alone' this year, but I am.

And that's okay.

I'm not really alone.

And neither are you.

We are loved beyond measure by One who will never let us go.

We are loved by One who took our place of punishment and death.

So Happy Valentine's Day.

For God so loved the world

that He gave His only begotten Son

that whoever believes on Him

should not perish

but have eternal life.

John 3:16

"Come Unto Me"

I just need to post this, both because I need it right now, and I'm sure there are others who could too.

A Realistic Self-Image

I'm sure a lot of us made New Year's Resolutions to lose some extra pounds.

I know I did.

But what do we really want?

To have a smaller number on the scale (which nobody knows but us), or to look slimmer?

If I were to be honest . . . it would have been the latter last year.

But not this year.

What changed?

My self-image.

How I see myself has changed, and for the better.

This is really hard to do, and took a while for me, but it's worth it.

And pretty simple. 

Skinny does not necessarily equal healthy.

For some, it might, but not for everyone.

For years, I thought I'd have to be skinny to be healthy, or pretty, or anything, but now I see that's not the case.

Now, I'm not one to get my advice from Hollywood, but I kinda like Jennifer Lawrence as a person (and no, I haven't seen the Hunger Games, nor do I plan to).

This quote is from Pinterest, so if it's not really her, sorry, but it sounds like something she'd say. 

In Hollywood, I’m obese. I’m considered a fat actress. I’m never going to starve myself for a part. I keep waiting for that one role to come along that scares me enough into dieting, and it just can’t happen. I’m invincible. I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I’m going to skip dinner.’ That’s something that I was really conscious of during training. I was trying to get my body to look fit and strong, not thin and underfed.

Now that is a good mindset.

But think about it.

How many models, actresses, and normal girls look like they haven't eaten in days?

Too many, I think.

Seems like everyone thinks it's cooler to be thin.

Don't get me wrong; it's not bad to be thin - it's just . . . well, a bit overrated.

It would probably surprise you to learn that less than a hundred years ago, curvy girls were considered "more beautiful".

That's not entirely correct either, but do you know what makes everyone change their minds?

The media.

All of it.

Ever see some of those "plus size" models?

Ever notice how they look . . . well, normal?

Since when was that not attractive?

Since when was that weird?

Since when did preteen girls care about how many calories they had?

To say it's only the media's portrayal of weight and obesity would be a lie, but I'm only trying to make one point here, and you have to admit that that's certainly a large part of it.

Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that even if you do lose all the weight you said you would, and even if you do fit into your high school jeans again . . . will you really, honestly be happy with yourself? Or will you never be slim enough or light enough?

God made you as you are for a reason.

Heck, maybe you're the way you are just to encourage someone like you who may struggle with the same thing. You never know.

And while you may not like it now, He does, and He doesn't make mistakes, nor is He ever mistaken.

I once heard someone (I think Chip Ingram, but I'm not sure) say that the trick is you have to think of yourself correctly: you shouldn't think of yourself too highly, but you shouldn't think of yourself too lowly, either.

Thinking of yourself too highly results in pride, arrogance, and a general sense of annoyance to everyone around you.

Thinking of yourself too lowly results in depression, bitterness, and a lack of joy, which will be felt by everyone you're around, believe me.

Thinking accurately about yourself allows you to 1) see what areas might need improvement and 2) see what's genuinely great about yourself.

So no, you may never fit into that size you wanted, or see the number you wanted when you step on the scale, or get picture perfect skin, or have hair that actually does what you want it to, but you're still made in the image of God, and as long as you're taking care of your temple, you're beautiful, even when you don't feel like you are.

Waiting.

I will be the first to admit it: patience is not one of my strengths.

It's not easy being patient.

And something's occurred to me lately that I thought I should share.

Shouldn't it be (theoretically) easier to be patient on God?

That's not to make Him sound slow or anything, just our perception of time.

I mean, we know He's promised to provide for us.

We know He'll bless us.

And we know He has our best at heart and in mind.

So why are we so antsy?

We know the answer, but just in case you don't want to own to it, I will:

we want what we want when we want it.

I do. And I'll bet you do, too.

And nothing's wrong with wanting something (assuming it's a good thing).

But when we let that get in the way of trusting God, we end up making the thing we want - or sometimes even the wanting itself - an idol.

If God wants us to have it, we'll have it.

If He doesn't, we won't.

Waiting's hard.

I know it is.

But if you're waiting in God's time with a good attitude . . . it'll be worth it.

Always.

What are you waiting for?

Be Still and Know

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God. . ."

Sunday, one of the songs we sang in church had to do with trusting God and being still in His presence. 

Monday, a dear family at our church buried their three month old daughter. One of the songs at the funeral was about being still and worshiping God. 

The funeral shook me up quite a bit, and afterwards I went for a drive, just to think and pray alone. 

I ended up at a beach, just staring at the waves. 

And that's when I realized (again) what being still with God really is.

You know when you're with that friend and you don't need to say anything to fill in the silence because it's a comfortable one? I think that's what being still is. It's sort of like a lull in the conversation, where you've poured out your heart, and you're just waiting on Him to speak to you.

It's really nice. And very comforting. 

And it isn't something you only do when things are hard.

It's something we should be doing all the time. 

It's hard. I know it is. There are so many distractions, from school, work, friends, obligations, technology (hey, I admit this freely, and I love my gadgets).

But God gave us the time we have . . . shouldn't we "spare" some for Him . . . ?

Growing Up Too Fast

Something happened the other day that really made me think. I'll get to what happened later on, so bear with me: what does "growing up too fast" really mean?

(And bear with me; it took me over a week to write this, and some parts really still don't feel quite right, but I'm posting it anyways.)

"Growing up too fast" used to mean that a child had to shoulder responsibilities and had to entertain concepts that would force them to leave childish things behind before most would have them do that. For instance, in the past, children were working full time around the age of fifteen, either because their parents had died, they were needed to help support the family, or they were considered old enough to take on that responsibility. Advancements in namely medical science and technology of all flavors enabled children to have more of an actual childhood.

But what did that bring?

For the purpose of this . . . "article", it brought free time.

Children were able to stay children until they were physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to take on the responsibilities of an adult. They could grow into it gradually, they could be trained, they could be taught, they could consider ideas and grasp the weight of the consequences to every action . . . they could be ready for an adult life.

Then there was too much free time.

Ungratefulness.

Envy.

Always wanting what was just beyond their grasp.

What do we have now?

We have children growing up too fast, but not in the way of the generations before them.

They have too much free time and a care-free (and care-less) attitude.

And although I can't quite put my finger on it, that's what's driving kids today to act the way they do.

What do I mean by that?

Whilst shopping with my mom and my sister, I saw this girl in Rue 21. Don't get me wrong - I love that store. It's one of the few places I actually enjoy clothes shopping. This really doesn't have anything to do with the store really. That's just where I was. But this girl . . . she had to have been younger than my sister, so maybe fourteen years old. But she looked like a . . . well . . . like a prostitute. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. Her clothes, the way she wore them, the way her makeup was done - and for the record, I have a personal thing about girls that young wearing makeup - the way her hair was done . . . that's what she looked like. If she was on the street at night, I would have thought she was one.

But I remember looking at her and thinking, "Wow. She's grown up too fast."

Then it hit me: society tries to keep us busy, entertained . . . it tries to keep us children.

But in spite of that, we grow up. . . And not always in the best way.

So yeah. I just felt like I should post that.

I mean, innocence is an awesome thing.

Not naivete, that's not necessarily the same thing.

But innocence, purity . . . That's a lost treasure in this society.

Looking Back . . .

It's hard to believe that about a year ago today I graduated from high school. I went to my friends' graduation today, and every time one of them stood to speak, I could remember - in startling clarity - what it was like to do the same.
The life-lessons I've learned this past year have been somewhat few, I suppose, but by no means insignificant.
The most important thing I've learned is to really take hold of God's promises. He didn't just say nice things to give us stuff to say to each other when we're going through a tough time; He said them so that we could run to Him for comfort.
1 Peter 5:7 says: "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you".
This has never been more real to me than through the past year. There were times - and there will be times - when I would cry myself to sleep, wondering how the heck I was going to pass a test, a paper, or merely survive the week. I realized that He was just waiting for me to give him my burdens, and then let them be - - at least for the night. [Obviously, I understand that I have to put in some time and effort, too.]
I just can't explain the peace that I would feel. I'm not a touchy-feely kind of person, and I'm not (generally speaking) subject to much emotion, but this was real. The peace of God really does "transcend all understanding".
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: it's been one heckuva long year, but it's really been worth it. I would not trade anything for the closeness that's been brought to my relationship with Jesus because of this year.
To those who are facing freshman year - tackle it head on! And congratulations to the CBCCA Class of 2011!

Gasping for air . . .

So, college has been rather stressful lately. Part of it is my fault; I know it is: I tend to procrastinate on things I could do right away. I'm praying God will help me overcome that. Also, I need to learn to let Him calm me. It sounds easy, but it's really not. I never really realized that before I got to college. He says "Come unto Me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest." (And so help me, I cannot think of the reference. If you know it, please comment below; it would be much appreciated!) I guess my problem is this: I'm a control freak. I need to have control of everything. Life doesn't let us control much, if anything. If we just give over our burdens to Jesus, life would be so much easier! I know that sometimes at night, I find myself rehearsing my schedule for tomorrow along with what has to be done by when. One night, I found myself on the verge of tears because I was so overloaded! I would like to say that I 'laid' my burdens down at Jesus' feet but I didn't. I think I dropped them! It was just so amazing the peace I had when I knew He was with me. It's like I told my mom the first week or so of school: Jesus said He'd never leave me, and He most certainly didn't bring me to this point just to let me fall on my derriere and fail alone. Yes, I may fall on my derriere and fail, but He'll be with me every step of the way.

Ah, that was therapeutic!

So, after Final Exams, I've decided to go through my notes and such and post all the wonderfully random and quirky things my awesome professors have said this semester. (God is SO GOOD; I love all my profs!) They shall remain nameless, don't worry. ;]