Oopsie Daisies

I'm sure we've all had that one moment where we went: 

"Oh. Poop. I did not think that one through."

I know I have, and I'm brave enough to tell you about it.

It's utterly hilarious, but at the same time really . . . not.

So this summer, I was working full time and working out afterwards.

That meant I essentially had 10 hour "work" days.

Needless to say, after that, I'd be tired, and rarely up for silly shenanigans, though I'm generally total game for a good shenanigan.

I was house sitting for a lady I know and watching her dog. He was a really sweet old thing, but nearly blind and almost if not totally deaf.

She had an alarm system - it didn't work on this one specific door - so she didn't use it; it's a pretty safe neighborhood.

Remember that. It's important later.

So every morning I'd let the dog out to do his business in the side yard, and every night I'd do the same thing when I came home.

Thing is, at night, this giant puppy would set off the motion-detecting light. It would turn on then off then on then off ad nauseam. 

It drove me nuts.

Well, on my third or fourth night there, I let the dog out and noticed that the light didn't turn on.

Whatever.

Well, the poor baby's deaf, so I had to go outside to get him; he wouldn't be able to hear me calling for him.

I go out there, all the way out to the end of the yard, and coax him in, and that light still doesn't cut on.

I still don't really care.

As soon as we get inside, the light snaps on.

And stays on.

Yeah, NOW I care.

See,

No, not of rational things that could actually inflict bodily harm.

Of Aliens (yes, capital A), the Flood, krakens, spiders, plesiosaurs, and other such monstrous calamities.

I legitimately prayed to not be the first ten minutes of Supernatural.

Yeah, I was freaking out.

I tried a few switches and decided there was really nothing I could do about it, so I went to bed, thinking I could ignore that infernal flashing outside my windows.

Ha.

Nope.

So I get up - and by this point it's about 12:30, 1 am - and I try the switches again.

None are connected to it.

I go outside to see if there's anything I can put in front of the sensor to make it shut the heck off.

There's not.

By this point, I'm really scared that someone's figured out I was staying there alone with an old, deaf doggie and they were out in the bushes waiting for me to give up and forget to lock the door.

I called my dad - who was 2 blocks away - and start blubbering (not crying, just tired, scared blubbering) about not being able to shut the light off and hence not being able to sleep.

For having been woken up at like, 1 am, he was incredibly gracious about the whole thing.

He offered to come over and check it out, and I figured it couldn't do any harm, so asked him to yes please, please come over, thank you, Daddy.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulls in and we begin our investigation.

We tried every. Switch. In. The. House.

Downstairs and upstairs.

Nothing.

By this point, the light seemed permanently on, so I got the brilliant idea of looking at the alarm panel.

See, there's a button there that said "motion".

I figured that maybe if I cycled through it real quick it'd turn it off.

Right. . . 

So, I push the button.

IT ARMS THE SYSTEM.

Yeah, so at this point, I'm feeling utterly defeated and I tell my dad he can go ahead and go home - I don't know the code because she doesn't use the system.

He says okay, goes through the living room to turn off the lights and-----

Now, I'd like to say I was cool and confident and merely went:

Um, no.

Try this on for size:

Yeah, that was the worst ten minutes of my life.

I tried calling her, texting her, punching in common pass codes.

Nothing.

Did I mention that by this point it was about 2 in the morning?

About five minutes into the alarm going off, I wondered "Where are the cops?" but either way they weren't there, so it didn't matter.

It ended up shutting off on its own, so my dad left through the door that doesn't work anyway.

About two minutes after he left, the house phone rings.

IT'S THE LADY.

I answer, and apologize profusely for waking her up so early.

She too was very gracious about the whole ordeal, but then confessed that she wasn't sure if she knew the code either.

Thankfully, she did.

She asked what had happened, and I told her.

Apparently, that light is just possessed, and there's really nothing that can be done about it.

It was about five minutes into the call that I noticed lights at the back of the house.

No sound, just lights.

And being that I was now basically alone, whomever it was could have just slept there, because as we all know:

Anyway, it turned out to be a cop.

Good thing I was still on the phone with the homeowner -- she got me out of a mountain of trouble.

I never did figure out how he was summoned, exactly.

I don't think it was dispatch.

Must've been a neighbor.

Ha, bet they loved me.

Anyway, after he left, the homeowner and I just kind of stood there in shock.

"How long ago did the alarm go off?"

". . . About 20 minutes ago. . ."

Yeah.

Needless to say, I was basically useless on 4-5 hours of not-so-awesome sleep.

And that is the story of how I awakened a neighborhood and learnt the lesson that if you don't know what it does, don't touch it.

Senioritis

This is a Public Service Announcement.

Many college students suffer from senioritis.

This debilitating illness has many symptoms, but the most common are fidgeting in class, daydreaming while having purposed to finish homework, boredom, and itchy, watery eyes that mimic the symptoms of spring fever. 

Senioritis doesn't only affect those in their fourth year of college: it can affect those as fresh and new as those in their first year.

But this doesn't have to be your reality.

To counteract the symptoms, pop in a classic Disney movie. 

Take them bowling.

Feed them.

Offer any and all distractions.

They'll know instinctively when it is time to return to the grind.

Senioritis is real.

Don't let it be you. 

A Crazy, Well-Dressed Hitchhiker and Morning Classes

For my technical writing class we have to split into groups and study traffic circles. I'm not really sure why traffic circles, but that's what he said.

He wanted drive through videos, pictures of the signs and pictures of the markings on the road.

After class Wednesday, my group and I went to get the signs, but we didn't have time to get out and get pictures.

I said I'd get them Thursday. I ran out of time, so I decided to get up early on Friday and get them before class.

Yeah. Right.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can stay up literally all night if I want or need to.

But I am not a morning person.

Regrettably, once I'm up, I'm up, so you wake me at 3 AM . . . you had better have something really cool for me to do, or I'll hate dislike you intensely for the rest of the day.

Anyhoo, I set my alarm for 6:15 AM.

It went off, and I reset it for 6:45.

It went off again, and I reset it for 7.

Then I got up.

Slowly.

I didn't have time to get the pictures before class, so I went to get them after.

Being the ditz I am, I sort of got lost looking for it.

But then I found it.

Yay!

So I got out and ended up standing in the middle of the (EMPTY) road snapping pictures with my iPad.

Needless to say, I got some pretty weird looks from the drivers, who must've wondered why some random girl was running around a traffic circle.

"She looks too clueless to be a contractor. . ."

And it was so cold.

So cold.

I couldn't feel my face!

Also, I've decided that I am never again taking 8 AM classes across the board. 

Not unless I have to.

Because then I will have grey hair by the time I graduate.

(No students or drivers were harmed during the events of this post. Everyone was just very cold.)

The Day After the End of the World . . . and Walmart

So the world didn't explode, or melt, or swarm with Flood or zombies, or viruses, or have the animals go cray cray.

Hm. Fancy that.

Well, for those of us over the age of 13, we've survived the "End of the World" twice:

Y2K and 12/21/12

Yay us!

Our kids will never believe us . . .

On a similar note, what the heck is up with Walmart registers never being open when you need them?

I'm not dissing Wally World or anything, I'm just asking.

I mean, wouldn't that drive down your customer loyalty?

But come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen any retail store with all their registers open.

That should change.

I mean, really.

Who wants their customers to stand in line for 20 minutes holding a heavy box of firewood?

I wouldn't.

Let me drive this bus a while . . .

Finals Week - Day 2 through le Fin . . .

So, I suppose that since I didn't post daily updates it can be safely assumed that I studied my butt off and did fantastically, right . . . ?

Oh . . . not?

Oh. Okay.

But I did study hard . . . and I did pretty well.

It's Official: I'm Allergic to Cats

sniff

Yup. It's official.

I'm allergic to cats.

That's rather unfortunate, because I'm currently house-sitting a dog (who doesn't bother my nose and sinuses) and a cat (who is wreaking HAVOC).

And cats are cute.

And the long haired ones are beautiful.

I can be in the same house with them, even the same room.

But God forbid I try to pet one.

Oh my . . .

See . . . I don't mind sneezing so much . . . but I can't breathe very well, not around the cat. And she was practically on my lap for about 15 minutes.

And when  I do sneeze, I have this rather obnoxious sneeze.

Expectation:

Reality:

sniff

Yeah . . .

700 Calories

I've been trying to lose weight for years. I lose some, then gain some, then lose some more . . . yeah, there's nothing steady about it.
This summer I've lost 10-15 pounds.
As a reward, my mom bought me a betta fish. (You know, the one I almost boiled alive?)
It was really funny, because I picked the fish over a month or two of them paying my car insurance.
And I'm 20.
But anyways, my parents got me a bike for my birthday.
I was so happy.
It's been years since I had a bike.
It's weird though; it's more work now to ride it than it was when I was like, 12.
Oh well.
I've been trying to alternate between biking and walking during the week, and today was one of my walking days.
I use the MapMyRide app on my Blackberry to track how far I go and how long it takes when I ride my bike and when I walk.
(On that note, if you're going to use it while biking, come to a complete stop before stopping the app . . . took an Olympic-worthy tumble learning that lesson.)
I was listening to music today, so I was willing to go a bit farther and faster than I usually would. That, and it was only like, 85-90 degrees this morning instead of 95-100 like it's been lately. Still pretty muggy, though.
Anyhow, I usually go about 3.5-4 miles . . . I looked down on the way back and saw that I had already gone almost 4 miles -- and I was just now turning around!
I ended up going 6.51 miles. It took me about an hour and 15 minutes to do that, but I was pretty proud of myself.
I burned over 675 calories . . . Yay!
Not like I eat a whole lot anyways, but still.
But I did have a Birthday Cake Shake from Zaxby's yesterday.
I might have maybe burned that off . . .

A Loooooooooooooong Day

Well, I got my work out today . . . at work.
I was asked to come in an hour early to install some blinds.
The instructions said it would take 15 minutes.
Remember that. That's important.
I told my boss it would probably take about half an hour.
. . .
Right . . .
So, the instructions were very poorly written . . . I was given two different types of screws and they never said which screws were for what, so I had to take an educated guess. I think I was right . . .
Anyhow, I had to drill holes before putting in the screws, and I followed the directions which said to use a 1/16 bit. That seemed to be way too small, but only after we forced about five screws into the holes.
Once we got the holder-thingys up, we tried getting the actual blinds in.
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
These kinds of blinds are cut to your specific needs in Lowe's. Apparently my boss asked for 62". She got 62 3/4".
Doesn't sound like much, but when you're trying to slide a metal box into a fixed space . . . IT MATTERS.
So she says that somebody needs to go back to Lowe's and have it recut. I'm the only one not really needed at the office, so I volunteered. She was fine with it until we remembered my car's still in the shop. She then decided I could use hers, but then she was like "Hey, no, wait, you had that really bad accident a while ago!"
(It was actually three years ago, but I understand her reluctance.)
She made me promise to be very careful and then gave me the keys.
Hahaha, POWER!!!
So, I go to Lowe's and just as I pull up . . . it starts raining.
Great.
I end up lugging this huge, heavy thing into Lowe's, holding it for like half an hour while somebody else's blinds are being cut (which is totally fine; they were there first) and I finally get it cut.
I go back to work and TA-DA! it slides right in.
PRAISE. THE LORD.
So, once the blinds are up, I tried to lower them.
And tried.
And tried . . .
After 20 minutes of messing with it (including taking it down again), we finally got it working.
This whole process took like three and a half HOURS.
Fifteen minutes . . .
Pfft, yeah, right!

Follow Your Dreams . . .

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook . . . I thought it was hilarious.
But then, when you're as tired as I am, everything's hilarious.

Wanna ruin a perfectly good video game?

. . . Then take an art history class.

Seriously.

Point en case.

I love Assassin's Creed (just the first one).

I never really cared about anything in the game except the achievements . . . until I started taking this art history course.

Now, whenever I climb up a column or wall, or see some stinking huge building with all these designs all over them, I find myself analyzing them and placing them into a particular stylistic period.

It's. Awful.

And distracting.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. Caroline does, too. Not about the video games, per se, but she doesn't exactly enjoy AH, either.

Fire Alarms and Beverage Ops

Not to be confused with "Black Ops", which I'm sure is more interesting.

Okay, I'll be honest: I haven't done a fire drill since I was about 7. I only remember that you're not supposed to panic. I had the perfect opportunity to put that to use today.
I was packing up my Shakespeare papers and notebooks - not my actual textbook, though; that 20-pounder won't fit in my giant backpack. Suddenly, there was this high-pitched . . . I dunno, beep / siren type sound and this light started flashing. At first, we were all quite confused, because our professor didn't think there was a drill scheduled for today, but when we saw everyone else going for the stairs, we figured it was probably a good idea to go, too.
The good news is nobody panicked - we calmly stampeded downstairs.
The bad news is that all 200 of us stood outside in the suffocating humidity, holding all of our junk for about 10 minutes wondering if it was a drill, a joke, or the real thing. We were bored. Really bored. 
Finally, some guy came out and told us we could go back in.
No explanation.
Nothing.

Later this afternoon, we learned about beverages of the potentially belligerent nature. You name it, it was mentioned.
I must say now that I don't drink. Most of my friends don't drink. I sat there with this blank stare for 15 minutes before we were done. The professor then proceeded to tell us about all the different ways a bartender could rip off his boss.
It was really interesting.

So, yes, my day was anti-climatic. 

A Long Day . . .

One of the following did not happen today. Can you guess which one it is?

- Today, me and a friend saw two people with peanut butter on their faces filming us from their car.
- I saw two cars racing down a highway, going around other cars in the way.
- I worked at a bouncy house for 3 hours straight.
- I almost hit a trashcan that was laying in the middle of a highway. (Actually, I did hit it.) 
- I saw "Real Steel".
- I had Mexican food for dinner.
- I made a Facebook page for my book.
- Me and a friend were complete dorks and tried on masks at Target.


If you guessed that I had Mexican food for dinner, you're right.


That was my day in a nutshell.


It's a wonder I'm still standing.


Well, actually, I'm not. I'm sitting. (Who types standing up?)


You can see the Facebook page here.

Surviving at Night

>Insert dark, creepy, horror music here.<

No, seriously.

Given the fact that night-time is basically 0.5 of a typical Earth day, and the second fact that humans like me live on Earth, surviving at night is very serious business.

I - for one - have major issues with surviving at night. These issues include, but are not limited to:

1) Shadows

2) Sudden bursts of creativity and / or genius that temporarily stunt the sleep process

3) Shadows

4) Boredom

5) Shadows

6) Stress about upcoming tests, exams, etc. 

7) Shadows.

I'm sure you've gathered by now that the shadows are out to get me, I swear. 

So, I have done something that I encourage all of you to do: make a list of things that you need close by every night such that the imperative sleep process is not impeded. 

Here's mine. It's quite simple, really.

Things I must have to survive at night: 

1) My sister in the room

Why?

ANTI-BOREDOM! She talks in her sleep. Very entertaining. And besides, if she's there, there's a 50/50 chance the shadows will get her instead, and that's something they'll never think of doing twice. She's one tough, but sweet, cookie.

2) A notepad 

Why?

To go along with #3!

3) A small reading light and / or glow in the dark pens 

Why?

Because these things allow my eyes to see item #2!

So, yes, this is what I need to survive at night, which, as I stated earlier, is pretty darn nifty in the grand scheme of things.

. . . No lie. 

(By the way, just before I published this, one of my friends told me quote: "I actually sleep at night." Hm. Fascinating concept. Oh, yes, you can see her creative genius here.)