Confessions: I pronounce everything wrong.

This is really embarrassing to admit as an English major and a bookish person in general, but I really do butcher the art of the spoken word.

It's the reason I took Spanish instead of French.

French people should thank me for that, because they would have murdered me.

But I seriously am horrendously bad at pronunciation. 

Point en case:

Friend of mine lost her school ID a few months ago, and our decals expire every year.

She got her ID, but then couldn't get a decal for a while, because they moved the office or whatnot.

Well.

She ended up getting a parking ticket - hey, there are only so many "visitor" spots - and mentioned it to me.

I mentioned to her that someone had said that if you didn't pay it, they wouldn't send you a bill or anything.

Then I said, "I guess it makes sense; I mean, they're not city or munsiple police".

She just stopped and stared at me.

"Alyse. Do you mean municipal?"

"Yeah. . . yeah, that's it."

She looked at me and laughed.

"You know what you are? You're one of those people that read a lot but never say the words out loud."

Yes.

Yes, that is exactly what I am.

That, and a dummkopf.

And actually, I can pronounce that right.

Walking in a Winterless Wonderland

And a fall-less wonderland, as well.

For those of you who live in South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, and the like, you understand what I'm saying.

For those of you who live in other parts of America or the world, let me explain.

We have very odd weather here.

It starts warming up in February.

No lie. 

It starts cooling off in October or November.

We basically have no winter.

I'm 21, and I've seen snow once in my life.

It was around Valentine's Day, and I was babysitting about 20-30 minutes away from my house. The kids' grandmother called and asked if we'd noticed the snow.

I got insanely excited -- 17 years old and it was snowing! Woo hoo!

I was really nervous about driving back into town, because I'd never seen snow, and now I had to drive in it? 

The kids' grandfather followed me into town, which was really nice, but then after running around in the snow like a three year old (which my dad described as "typical college kid behavior"), he wanted me to drive around with him.

I was really afraid of just going 'round town for fun, but it actually wasn't that bad, because no one else here knows how to drive in snow, so no one else was about.

Also, in my biology book, the author mentioned a compound - I think some sort of salty stuff - and called it a "deicer". Well, in my limited knowledge of ice and snow, I first assumed it was a fancy French word for something and pronounced "deh-eye-see-yer".

Um, no, it's "de-icer". A thing that melts ice.

Oh.

Well.

Okay.
This also explains why - when test driving a car - I looked in the dash thing-y (the word escapes me at the moment) and saw this really weird looking object.
It looked like a toothless comb.
I showed it to my dad like "What is this thing??"
He laughed and told me to guess.
Apparently it was an ice scraper.
Oh.

21 Before 21

So today at 4 AM, I turned 21.

You didn't get up for my birthday?

Oh, it's totes cool; I didn't get up for that, either.

Anyhoo, I've heard of these "[things done] Before [Age of the same numerical value]" things before, and I figured I'd do one for my birthday.

These are in no particular order, save for the first one.

1. met Jesus as my Savior

2. graduated high school

3. published a book

4. been to Mile Zero, where I . . .

5. . . . inadvertently swam with tarpons

6. visited the Statue of Liberty

7. voted in a Presidential election

8. drank pigeon milk (my dad's cologne)

9. performed an amateur amputation 

10. made sushi

11. got a job (and still have the job)

12. got a full ride through college

13. went to the midnight showing of a movie

14. zip-lined

15. whitewater rafted

16. member of two honors societies

17. ran a 5K

18. changed a tire (yes, on the side of the road)

19. melted a plastic container on a stove by accident

20. had a pen-pal in another country

21. been to the Kennedy Space Center

So yeah, Happy Birthday to me! :)

21 certainly makes me no less clumsy . . .

. . . but oh well, nobody saw that.

And this is what I'd like to leave you with:

I know 21 isn't that old in the grand scheme of things, but thinking about it makes me feel kind of old.

I mean, I saw Y2K.

I saw 9/11.

I've seen Mad Cow disease, Avian Bird flu, and Swine flu.

I saw the capture and death of Saddam Hussein and the death of Osama bin Laden.

I've seen the funerals of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.

I've seen the advent of the iPod, iPhone, and iPad.

I've seen the earthquake in Japan and the tsunami in Indonesia.

I've seen a lot, I think.

But this is really all that matters:

A Crazy, Well-Dressed Hitchhiker and Morning Classes

For my technical writing class we have to split into groups and study traffic circles. I'm not really sure why traffic circles, but that's what he said.

He wanted drive through videos, pictures of the signs and pictures of the markings on the road.

After class Wednesday, my group and I went to get the signs, but we didn't have time to get out and get pictures.

I said I'd get them Thursday. I ran out of time, so I decided to get up early on Friday and get them before class.

Yeah. Right.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can stay up literally all night if I want or need to.

But I am not a morning person.

Regrettably, once I'm up, I'm up, so you wake me at 3 AM . . . you had better have something really cool for me to do, or I'll hate dislike you intensely for the rest of the day.

Anyhoo, I set my alarm for 6:15 AM.

It went off, and I reset it for 6:45.

It went off again, and I reset it for 7.

Then I got up.

Slowly.

I didn't have time to get the pictures before class, so I went to get them after.

Being the ditz I am, I sort of got lost looking for it.

But then I found it.

Yay!

So I got out and ended up standing in the middle of the (EMPTY) road snapping pictures with my iPad.

Needless to say, I got some pretty weird looks from the drivers, who must've wondered why some random girl was running around a traffic circle.

"She looks too clueless to be a contractor. . ."

And it was so cold.

So cold.

I couldn't feel my face!

Also, I've decided that I am never again taking 8 AM classes across the board. 

Not unless I have to.

Because then I will have grey hair by the time I graduate.

(No students or drivers were harmed during the events of this post. Everyone was just very cold.)

My (Mis)Adventure in the Realm of Cuisine

This summer, my mom, sister, and brother went on a mission trip to Ukraine.
That left me and my dad home alone.

Um, no, really, it wasn't exactly like that.

The two main issues were laundry - which I can do - and cooking, which I can also do.

Here's the problem with cooking, though:

I really like food.

Japanese food . . .

Mexican food . . .

American food . . .

Italian food . . .

You name it, chances are I might like it.

We had tacos some nights. Went fine.

We had stir-fry. Perfect.

We had spaghetti with alfredo dipping sauce like Olive Garden's . . . Um . . . PROBLEM.

Unfortunately, I didn't realize my error in its entirety until about . . . oh, I don't know, four days ago.

So, soon after they left, I started looking for recipes online.

That's dangerous, just sayin'.

I looked in my mom's bookmarks first, and I saw she had bookmarked Olive Garden's recipe for their alfredo sauce.

I was shocked.

Why had she never made this before; we love their alfredo sauce!

I decided to rectify this "wrong" and set out to make it.

My dad and I thought it turned out pretty good. It was, well, white, and Olive Garden's isn't, but I figured they probably used butter in the restaurant version, even though there was none called for in the recipe I saw.

It tasted almost exactly the same, though, so we just forgot about it.

A few days ago, we went to Olive Garden and me and my mom inspected the dipping sauce.

Then she asked me a question.

"Did you use egg whites or egg yolks?"

"Egg whites."

"Em . . . are you sure that's what you were supposed to use?"

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, I printed it out and was looking at it the whole time."

"That's just weird, because usually you use egg yolks in sauces."

We sorta forgot about that . . .

. . . Until a few days later.

My mom was looking for a recipe and chanced upon the alfredo sauce.

"Hey Sis?"

"Yeah?"

"Um . . . that alfredo sauce?"

"Uh-huh?"

"It calls for egg yolks . . ."

. . . Oops . . .

However!

This calls for a second shot!

Why you shouldn't dye blonde hair blonde

I naturally have blonde hair.
It was nearly white when I was a toddler, and when I was about seven, I started getting these dark streaks underneath.
A lot of people complemented me on it, and I guess I sort of liked it. I really can't remember.
About three years ago, it started getting really dark.
I look like a brunette.
Nothing against brunettes: my mom's a brunette and my sister is a brunette.
I just like the excuse being blonde provides don't like it on me.
I got highlights two or three times, but they were really expensive.
After that, I figured dying my whole head for $7 is better than dying half of it for $100.
Nope.
The first time it turned out orangey and brassy.
Lasted for a while, then I asked my friend to help me dye my hair.
That one turned out less brassy, but still wasn't the blonde I was looking for.
Fast forward to now, about two months later.
I took a shower and thought the water looked funny. I thought it was just the water; we've been having storms lately, and sometimes that affects it.
Got out, and didn't think anything of it.
Come back a few hours later . . .
ORANGE. RESIDUE. EVERYWHERE.
I honestly cannot remember what brand or what it was, but I know it foamed.
I'm not saying this is a typical result either, because I wasn't using special shampoo or anything.
All I know is that I washed my hair and my white bathtub turned orange.
This is also why you ought not dye blonde hair blonde: it's nearly impossible to nail the color yourself, and unless you want to look like a pumpkin head for about two months, I'd just stay out of the hair color aisle all together.