Learning to Let Go

Normally, this is the time of year people are flooded with "OMg its like finalzzz peeps so scared lol" posts.

And this is sort of one of them, but not really.

I'm not really worried about finals this semester. I've already done three, and I only have three left, and only two of those are actual tests. 

No, I'm gearing up to learn a really hard lesson that they can't teach you in a classroom.

I'm learning to let go.

I'm not talking about a relationship, though this lesson has infinite applications.

No, for me, it's my GPA.

I'm not bragging here; I'm stating a fact: these past two and a half years, I've earned a 4.0.

And I'm really scared I'm going to lose it.

I know a B and / or a 3.9 is nothing at all to sneeze at.

And I wouldn't be letting anyone down by getting a B.

Except me.

And that's what I'm struggling to let go of.

I don't want that to be my idol.

I don't want that to bug me.

I want to have peace about it.

And I can.

It's just a struggle.

But it's a good struggle to have.

I mean, at the end of my life, God won't be judging me on my grades.

He'll be judging me on how I lived for Him.

And that's worth so much more thought than a GPA that only matters for four years.

Contentment and Letting Go

I actually wrote this in a random notebook almost a year ago and just now found it - thought it might be good to share. 

It's not just "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want".

It's "the Lord is my ___, I shall not want".

The Lord is my friend, I shall not want.

The Lord is my protector, I shall not want.

The Lord is my comforter, I shall not want.

The Lord is my provider, I shall not want.

The Lord is the lover of my soul, I shall not want.

The Lord is my guider, I shall not want.

The Lord is my study buddy, I shall not want.

So why do I still want?

Because I'm not satisfied in Him.

I'm not filled with Him.

I want to be.

I thirst for Him.

I am weary of my burdens - He alone can give me rest.

Why don't I give them to Him?

Why don't I just surrender everything?

Because I like to be in control.

I never was.

And honestly, I don't want to be in control anymore - I don't know what I'm doing.

Ever.

I want Him to be in control.

It might not make things easier. . .

But it will be better.

BOSS STATUS: RE-ACHIEVED?

Last semester I signed up for six classes.

I dropped one at the last minute and only took five.

I lost "boss status".

However!

This semester I signed up for seven (only 19 hours, though).

I dropped one a few days ago - I didn't want half my course grade coming from volunteer hours at events. And it wasn't what I thought it was, anyway.

I added another, but it was only one credit - that put me at 17.

Then, last night, I checked over everything to make sure it was all set. And what do I see? One of my classes I had really wanted had been cancelled!

That put me down to 14, but it's okay.

But still . . . I really wanted that class! 

Anyhoo, I figure I'll just keep the "textbook" (it's more like a style book).

And, for those of you going into college or in college, you'd be robbing yourselves if you didn't join Amazon Student. 

Just sayin'.

Finals Week - Day 1

Oh my word.

Finals are here already . . . ?

This isn't technically Day 1 as my finals are all on Tuesday and Thursday, but hey, I'm working on papers and studying today. 

And tomorrow. 

And right before they tell us to clear our desks . . .

Oh dear . . . 

Already scared of next semester . . .

I just want to sit down and cry -- I don't know what to do about school. 

I thought I could handle 6 classes in one day and maybe I can . . . But 5 classes in a row? 3 English classes, 2 of which are 400-level? A sociology class, a history class, and a business? 

What the heck was I thinking, signing up for that? Oh . . . I probably wasn't thinking at all.

Come to think of it, I bet I know why this is.

I bet God's teaching me to not procrastinate.

He's teaching me to be diligent.

He's teaching me to take assignments seriously, although I already do. More seriously, I guess.

I just pray I can learn the lessons in time.

Path to the Final

You walk into class on the first day like this:

"Whoa, all these people are in my class?"

As the semester goes on, those people dwindle . . . 

And at the final you're like:

"WHERE DID ALL OF YOU COME FROM?!"

And then you're like . . .

Seven Overdue Random Thoughts

(I've already said it was "overdue"; you're not getting any more than that.)

1: Whilst learning about the history of the English language - which is far more convoluted than it ought to be, by the way - we talked about the Norman Conquest in 1066. It's the reason for a lot of things, but what really jumped out at me was this: I think it's the most cheeky, audacious, and boldest things the French have done to date. (No offense.)

2: It's quite warm today. About 80F. In February. That is messed up. Summer's gonna be killer.

3: I really want to make a wax-seal-stamper thing-y. Saw how to do it on Pinterest.

4: I can't wait for Series 3 of BBC's Sherlock. Best. Show. Ever.

5: I want to be teleported to Friday. Mostly because I don't want to give a presentation and take two midterms. Yeah.

6: I should probably get back to studying . . . oh, look, a birdy! Nevermind . . .

7: Follow me on Tumblr. Because I tumble a lot.