On Medical Conditions. . .

No, I haven't changed my mind and become a nursing major.

I'm still an English major.

Yet this is a unique merging of the two realms.

I don't know if any nurses or doctors have actually seen this, but I have, and it's terrifying enough to me.

And yes, this is sort of a grammar rant.

Alzheimer's Disease

I cannot count how many times I've heard this butchered. I know I have very little to stand on, because I butcher words all the time, but I can say that I've never said this particular word this badly. 

Y'all, it is not "All-timers" Disease.

There is not a T in "Alzheimer's".

There just isn't.

Stop putting it there.

Please.

Diabetes

Okay, I saw this on Tumblr, so there's no telling whether the poster was serious or just being funny, but "diabetes" is one word.

Just one.

It's not "die of beaties".

I realize it kind of sounds like that, but it's all together.

Lactose Intolerance

This one really takes the cake.

I'm not even really sure where that phrase comes from, but it's true.

I have seen this on Google searches.

On Facebook.

On Tumblr.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Granted, on Tumblr they all flipped out, but still.

People, this particular disorder where your body does not properly manufacture lactase and milk makes you gassy and nauseous is not "lack toast and tolerant".

I kid you not.

A "lack toast and tolerant" disorder means that you lack charred bread slices and are a very understanding person and for some reason you are not happy about this state of affairs.

But yeah.

This has been a PSA.

The Capitalization of I

A good friend of mine actually thought of this and vocalized it before I did, but it's a good point.

But really, why do we capitalize I?

It's just a pronoun.

We don't capitalize he.

Or she.

Or they.

So why I?

And it's just a letter.

We don't capitalize "a".

This has actually been bothering me for some time, so y'all have got any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Words We Should Spell Differently: English Place Names

As most of us here speak English, this could be a very long list, but it'll be short today.

And since I actually took a "Development of the English Language" course last year, I'm sort of an authority on this.

Sort of.

And it goes without saying that this is by no means scholarly.

So don't be citing this in your English papers at 3 AM, mmk?

English is really weird.

I'm an English major; I know this for a fact.

I'm not going to go into why things are spelled so strangely, but part of it has to do with the Great Vowel Shift.

Please. Don't. Ask.

Anyhoo, I got to thinking today about Worcester, Massachusetts  Sir Leicester Dedlock, and Richard of Gloucester.

Now you know how you pronounce those?

Wooster, Layster, and Gloster, respectively.

Ummm . . .

People (usually) hate it when others are redundant.

Isn't extra letters kind of redundant if they make the same sound?

Only you can stop redundancy.

Let the letters raise their voices, and speak for themselves.

My (Mis)Adventure in the Realm of Cuisine - Part II

So. 

Y'all thought I would only have one (Mis)Adventure?

Nope.

Ha.

NOPE.

And here's the whammy - this one's a twofer.

So, me and my mom tried to make Peasant Bread.

It's supposed to rise, be punched down and separated, then rise again.

Well, the second time, it didn't rise. Like, at all.

We were stumped. 

It tasted perfectly fine, but it looked funny.

Remember that - it's important later.

So, the day after that, we tried making Amish Country Bread.

Pretty similar, all things considered.

So I was measuring and combining things when I realized we didn't have enough salt in one container. I asked my mom to get another one down since my hands were full. She asked how much I needed, and I said three tablespoons. She kinda made a face and was like "That's a lot" and she looked at the recipe.

Well.

All the measurements but one had a "t" or a "T" with them, so I thought they were all tablespoons. 

I learned to cook thinking "T" was tablespoon, and "tsp" was teaspoon.

My mom started laughing.

"Sissy," quoth she, "you know, you're a smart cookie . . . But sometimes you're really clueless."

(And she's right.)

Apparently, "T" can stand for tablespoon, and "t" can stand for teaspoon.

I assumed it was poor internet grammar.

And the thing is, I was measuring them all out with a tablespoon and since I needed three teaspoons of it, that would've been one tablespoon.

Well, we remembered that right after we poured it back.

Yep.

And while we were measuring, we decided to make sure one packet of yeast was two tablespoons, as we assumed it had been the day before.

Alas, it was not.

Therefore, the bread the day before had not risen a second time because there was only enough oomf for once. 

Yes.

This is me in the kitchen.

But everything still tastes good, so really.

(I FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR THIS!!!!!)

Grammar Rant

Okay, I know I have peeves.
I'm sorry.
Eh . . .
Nope. No, no I'm not.
As an English major, I suppose I'm entitled to be snobby about this, but I really, honestly try very hard not to be a grammar snob.
And most times, I'm not.
I'm a grammar nazi.
It's horrible, I know, as even I use deplorable grammar at times.
I'm actually really picky about exactly what gets me peeved.
For instance, if I'm texting or IMimg, I couldn't care less if you didn't capitalize, use correct grammar or what have you.
But in an email . . . you had better use it all correctly.
In spoken conversations, I don't care.
But Facebook . . .
Oh gosh, don't get me started . . .
Okay, so "your" and "you're" ARE different!! I promise! They are!
"Too", "to", and "two" are different. Really.
And when you're talking about more than one of something . . . there's no apostrophe.
Like, if you're talking about . . . say . . . Scottish Folds . . . It's "Scottish Folds" - not "Scottish Fold's".
*sigh*
Orrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . .
Or, I could just leave Facebook as its own thing and not worry about it.
Nope.
Too easy . . .