Saturday, December 11

Funniest Moments of Fall 2010

As promised, my professors' funniest moments. All shall remain nameless for privacy.

~ {on speaking French in Montreal} "You get like five words in, and they're like, >sigh< 'Would you rather speak English?'"
~ {on using cellphones in class} "I'm a tech-NO!"
~ {on responsibilities and duties} "Wash your own blankety-blank socks!" (and, yes, they did say 'blank'!)
~ {on ways of becoming a shaman} Student: "You survive something."
     Professor: "Right, more specifically, survive what?"
     > . . . pause . . . <
     Student: "Death?"
     Professor: "You can't survive death."
     Student: "Cancer?"
     Professor: "Surviving cancer doesn't make you a shaman; it makes you a cancer survivor."
~ {on the buffalo problems Bluffton experienced a few years ago} "Horses and buffalo haven't got the brains God gave a goose! You could put a rope around a buffalo's neck and say, 'Here, kitty-kitty'."
“You smell . . . Bacon, you want to get to that bacon!” Later . . . “Apparently, I really like bacon.”
“Sunsets and sunrises are red. Clouds! Clouds are in the sky . . .”
“Your mother’s food is good? Oh, well, my mother’s isn’t!
“So, if Joe’s at home and starving and he smells his mom’s home cookin’ – that’s my southern accent – he’ll be likely to pay attention to the food.”
You look like you're texting. Stop looking like that!”
“Maybe he was a scum-dog . . .”
~ "As you will note, the land and ocean on the map is marked by the presence or absence of a sea monster."
~ "We saw it in a movie, so it must be true."
~ {on the movie 300} "It's not a wall of ripped dudes, it's a wall of BRONZE!"
~ {on barbarians} "There were sophisticated barbarians, intelligent barbarians, and even lovable barbarians . . . but there were some nasty barbarians, too."
~ {on the Renaissance} "Petrarch didn't get out of bed one morning and say, 'Let's have a Renaissance!'"
And last, but certainly not least . . . 
~ "Who are these people?" >flips projector< "Oh, it's you!"