Saturday, October 8

Essay Entitled "Cake"

Author's Note: the following is not intended to be taken literally, seriously, etc. Any of those who take this literally, seriously, etc. will deserve any embarrassment that follows from taking this post literally, seriously, etc.


Fascinating subject, isn't it? So many varieties, shapes, and colors that have no bearing on the flavor whatsoever so when you think you're taking a giant piece of White cake it's really Coconut cake you've got on that shiny red Chinet plate you're carrying to the table that you're going to run away from in desperate search of the bathroom when you realize your fatal error!
(No offense intended to y'all out there that like Coconut, but everyone who doesn't like it totally understands.)
Cake was invented in the Year 1, when Adam and Eve celebrated their first anniversary.
Well, it was also the first anniversary ever, so I hope the cake was nice.
But, according to recent research done by Tu Retts Inc., the cake is a lie.
That prettiful thing your momma made on all of your birthdays, even after you moved out?
Not that mothers would lie. They've been taken in, too.
Why is it a lie?
That . . . has yet to be determined, but most likely the research methods will be able to facilitate the appropriate experiments roughly around the same time Halo makes it to the Silver Screen. So, um, yeah, don't hold your breath.

(By the way, Caroline came up with the word "prettiful"; you can read her blog here.)